"I lost 90 pounds but gained so much..."

"my fitness hero" campaign with American Recall Center

My story begins in a Brooklyn kindergarten gym. I'm pretty sure it was then that my long journey with my weight and body image insecurities began. When your not picked to be on the gym teams and when your are snickered at for not running as fast as the rest of your classmates it is understandably heart breaking for any person, but especially hurtful for a child. I used to eat cream cheese as an after school snack and don't recall if I ever knew what those labels on the back of packages even meant. In junior high school when my friends went to the beach in the summers I'd lie and say I hated the sand. I would stay behind all because I couldn't handle the thought of being in a bathing suit. In high school when all my friends were off to prom I said prom was not "my thing" and didn't attend. I grew up feeling sad. I questioned if I was beautiful and the words of others often made me feel I was not. I grew up wanting to look like my girlfriends, tall and skinny. I just wanted to be able to shop in stores that were not "plus sized".  I often would start out on a diet but I just couldn't find the motivation to stick with it. I think back now and I'm unsure why I wasn't able to. I guess I just was so upset with myself that I gave up on myself, I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and never ever thought I could love myself. 

 some pictures of me before

Luckily I eventually had that moment; the moment when everything falls into place, when all things seems to click together and your wake up call comes. I met Anthony in 2007. From day one he couldn't keep his eyes off me (this time is was for good reason, unlike the kids in kindergarten). He told me I was beautiful every single day and made me smile. He made me feel a love that I never thought would be possible for myself. Less than a year after meeting we were engaged and a year after that Anthony was diagnosed with diabetes. By this point I was at my heaviest at 210 pounds (I am 5ft 2). Both Anthony and myself had gotten comfortable in our relationship and perhaps fell into bad habits such as 3AM bagel store runs, and eating cartons of ice cream while watching movies. Anthony's diagnosis was the wake up call I waited my entire life for. It was for me a blessing in disguise and I am only PROUDLY able to say that today because through weight management alone my now husband has been able to get his diabetes controlled. He today is considered only borderline and together we have worked hard to hear those words. I am not only proud of Anthony but proud that we came together as a couple to get healthy and fit.

Our engagement party (both at our heaviest weights)

Today I am 26 years young and look in the mirror several times daily and smile. I am lucky enough to have not one but two fitness hero's. I have two people who push me every single day to keep on going, to stay motivated. First, my husband. I have learned more from this man than he probably even knows. Anthony has taught me how to love myself, how to be kind to myself, to take a deep breath every once in a while and keep on going forward. He reminds me often not to get stuck on the hard days, to brush them off and just keep working towards my goals. I do not believe in coincidences in life. I do believe in everything happening for a reason. I do believe that my husbands diagnoses saved my life and resulted in adding years on to his.

My second fitness hero is the shy, sad kindergarten cutie. It is this little girl that I carry with me in my heart every single day. She reminds me how far I have come and motivates me to keep on going. Yes, I am my hero. I am just a regular person. I am not a physical trainer, I am not a motivational speaker, I am not a nutritionist. However, over the course of this fitness journey I have learned so much. My Sundays which used to be dedicated to bagels and laying around the house are now dedicated to food prep, and strength training. Saturday mornings I jump out of bed at 6:30am instead of sleeping in after a long work week because I have a boxing class to make. In my free time I am constantly looking for motivation. This now comes in quotes, new workouts, and  learning from other people on the fitness journey.I still have the days where I have to remind myself that this is not a race. This from day one was a lifestyle change and therefor unlike a "diet" this has no end. I still have my bad days BUT what is most important is that I now am able to pick myself back up. I love myself enough to not give up.

The beach is now my happy place and I LOVE wearing a bikini

I have lost almost 90 pounds HOWEVER I have gained so much in the process. 

I am so super excited to be part of the "my fitness hero" campaign with American Recall Center. I am really is passionate about healthy living and fitness and hope by sharing my story others can find the inspiration they need to get healthy. Perhaps someone reading can relate to my journey and just needs a little motivation to get started. Just remember we all need to start somewhere; dig deep, find the motivation, and take baby steps to reach your goals. Even small progress is better than no progress at all.
http://www.recallcenter.com/hip-replacement/

some days we have to listen to our body..

A few weeks ago I had to leave work early to get root canal done. I thought it would be one appointment but turns out I have to go back for part two and then a part three to have a crown put on.

when i left the dentists office I was all numb and from not eating for hours i was beginning to feel dizzy too (and i couldn't eat for another hour from that time). i have to say the needles (i got four or five) did not feel nice, although after the second one i didn't feel the others as much. But the root canal itself was painless (after all the needles i should hope so). Once the numbness wore off when i got home it was sore and slightly uncomfortable but tolerable.

Point is life passed me this "curve ball" (although really nothing super out of the ordinary meaning people get root canals every day) and it prevented me from eating my normal days meal plan and from going to the gym. This frustrated me and upset me. I sat the next day still debating if I will feel 100% to take my boxing class and the truth is that sometimes in life things happen. This is why I always stress that this is a life style change. I am not on a short term plan or diet. So if I have a legitimate reason for not getting to the gym it is important to remind myself that it is OKAY. That the next day will be a new day, that next week will begin a new week, and so on.

With that said I would like to say I am unsure how I am going to last 3 weeks + with no crunchy, or hard foods. I will miss my chia chips (these are my new obsession and they are kind of pricy in super markets near me however I found a store near work that sells them for much cheaper) and my granola, and trail mix. BUT I am going to keep my head up and think positive.

xoxox

obsessed with these things! so yummy, and as long as you stay within the serving size they are a good snack and for sure worth the calories (all my opinion of course).

..Hold on to that warmth. And never let it go

“Once in a while, amidst all your bad days, you’ll have a good day. A great day even. Make sure you remember those days. Keep them safely in your pockets, maybe even a jar on your desk because you need to know that there are and will be better days. You need to remember how on those days you felt warm inside, like you’ve just drank a hot cup of tea; like a small fire was ignited inside of you. Hold on to that warmth. And never let it go.”

As we continue this journey a long year #2 of marriage I can honestly say this man has taught me more about myself than I ever thought another person would be able to. The way he pushes me to face my fears and refuses to allow me to say "i cant do it" is something special. My husband is every good day I have had since December 2007 when he asked me to be his girl friend.

I am so excited for all the plans we already have in the works for 2014! xoxox

we can not control the ocean but we can learn to ride the waves...

Over the past year my life drastically changed. It hard to believe that 2013 is about to come to an end in only 2 short months and 2 weeks. For me this year was a year of learning about myself and forcing myself to be accepting of change. I never really did like change, it scared me. I guess the change itself was never the scary part but more so the things that I would need to change about myself in order to adapt to the bigger change.

In September of 2013 I moved from Brooklyn, NY  to Old bridge, NJ. The actual change of living with my husband in our cozy little apartment was so exciting for me. My husband and I had been dating since December of 2007, married July 2012 (we had to continue living apart for 2 months after the wedding). The scary end of this exciting move was the fact that I now would not see my family daily the way I used to, I would have to force myself to get over my fear of driving (in Brooklyn I had public transportation at my finger tips so no need to even own a car really), I would have to make new friends, I would not get to see my friends whenever I wanted (now due to the distance these things would actually have to be planned in  advance), I would have the responsibilities of bills, money, all the responsibilities that come along with marriage and adult life.

My first year was a year full of ups and downs. In the beginning it was very hard for me to fit in my work outs. My commute to and from work became much much longer than it was when I was living in Brooklyn, plus when I would come home in the evening I had a long list of other responsibilities which would need to be taken care of. Not only was my work out routine struggling but I quickly learned marriage is a lifelong full time commitment and work in progress. I'm pretty sure in my mind I thought things would just flow but the truth is life does not always run smoothly. I think over the past year there were some times that I was unsure if I would ever be able to grasp onto the change, accept it, and figure out a routine.

WELL here I am in year two and I can say I finally have gotten the hang of this thing called marriage, I have began to develop my fitness plan of action, I have promised myself to make time for self care and for myself. Marriage is still full of ups and downs- my husband is my best friend and I can write on and on about how much he inspires me, strengthens me, and makes me face my fears. My fitness routine is a never ending journey- much like many other aspects of life full of ups and downs. I am committed to healthy living, committed to trying as hard as I can to continue to meet my fitness goals- however at the same time I am working on acknowledging that sometimes life was cause bumps in the road. Sometimes I may be faced with situations which will prevent the gym and that is perfectly fine as long as the next day I jump back into my routine.

What I have learned more than anything through the life change of moving and marriage is the following:

1. I can not control every situation however I can recognize the situation I am faced with and control how I handle it, THAT is most imporant.

2. My fitness and health goals are a lifelong commitment. One bad day or week can not undo all of the hard work I have put in over the past 2 years.

3. My marriage will not always be laughter and smiles, some days will be hard, some months we will hit more bumps in the road than other bumps however my husband is my teammate. And together is we hold on tight we can conquer what we are faced with.

..Life is full of changes, full of bumps, I can not always control the ocean but I sure can throw on my bikini and ride the waves!

celebrate the journey

Over the past few months a friend from high school and myself have found each other once more and working on growing the friendship we once had. We had lost contact over the years and I guess grew apart a bit. I am so glad that her and I are in each others lives again and I was even more excited for the "request" she asked of me recently...

She asked me for some help. She too is on the journey to a healthy life and needed a friend to hold her hand along the way. To think that someone who I care about and respect so much would come to me for help with such a sensitive topic I truthfully was taken back and even got a little emotional.

It made me reflect upon how far I myself have come. Made me think about my own journey, the goals i met, and the goals i am still working on. It made me realize that by motivating and helping others I myself am becoming more focused and motivated. It even made me think of all the other people either face to face or over the internet that I would love to help. I know how it is to feel unhealthy, to feel sad, to feel like you will never reach your fitness goal, to feel alone, to be told by doctors that you are at major risk due to obesity.

me at my heaviest of 210 lbs. and me yesterday 10/14/2013 (approx 122-124)

I am so excited to not only help one of my oldest friends by to see her progress, to remind her that she can do it, to be there to tell her tomorrow is a new day for a fresh start, and most of all to take a step back and realize that I have gotten to the point in my own journey that I can offer advice yet still seek motivation from my own inspirations.

Sometimes I do tend to get so caught up in the negative, so caught up in the goals I have not yet met that I don't take the time to celebrate the journey thus far.   SO this post is dedicated to the old friend who without even knowing it caused me to smile a little bigger this week as I celebrated my own journey and the excitement for hers!

the down fall to perfect weekends in that they come to an end

So it has for sure been a few days. Life has been a little crazy around here.

This past weekend myself along with my husband, fur baby, my best friend, and her boyfriend all went to Cape May, NJ. We rented cabins at Ponderosa  http://www.ponderosacampground.com/ and had the BEST weekend ever. We laughed, cried, had long talks, and got to spend quality time together which we unfortunately do not get to do often.

What I learned during my journey to being healthy and fit is we still need to take the time to enjoy life. This weekend I ate and drank SO MANY things that on a normal day I would not even consider. I woke up this morning and I felt guilty. I started thinking of all the calories I consumed and I began to feel pretty bad. My perfect fun calm relaxing happy weekend was about to be pushed to the side and instead I was about to hate myself for all the bad things I consumed. That was when I reeled myself back in. How crazy does it sound to beat yourself up for having fun?! We all deserve and need weekends away with friends. We all need to have a hand full (or bowl full rather) of Doritos from time to time, we all deserve a cold Captain Morgan and Diet Ginger ale between friends.

And so I guess what I can say I walked away from this weekend learning is: 1. there is nothing in the world greater than a best friend. A person who you know will always remind you how amazing you are when you yourself forget. 2. This journey has no end, I began this journey telling myself that this is a lifestyle change and I therefore will not beat myself up for living life. and lastly 3. Making memories with my own little family makes me feel inner piece that I am unable to put into words.

And so I am thankful this Sunday evening. Thankful for my family, my friends, and the journey I have embarked on.

..in moderation all things are okay

okay fine so maybe not ALL THINGS. But when it comes to this lifestyle I think the way I have been able to maintain for over a year now is I never feel as though I am depriving myself from anything. so fad diets (which i must admit i have tried in the past), no carb, low carb, juice only, no food, and whatever else are just not for me. I do not at all put down people who do these "diets" I however am just not on a diet. The reason why this time around things were different for me on this weight loss journey is because I look at it as a complete lifestyle change. Me dropping the pounds was not temporary but long term.

With that said I do know that  there are times when life will get in the way of healthy. For example family parties, dinners with friends, work functions, the holidays, date night with my husband ect. I try to plan ahead in order to not go over the "deep end" too much however I enjoy these get togethers and parties and if once in a while I do eat or drink things I normally do not that is perfectly FINE.
My journey of hard work will not be ruined by one bad day or night and as long as I catch myself and hop back on the following day I know that I will be fine.

Last night we had a celebration for my sister in law and my grandfather in laws birthdays. I knew in advance what they would be eating for dinner (stuffed shells and lasagna) and i knew it simply was not worth it for me to spend my calories on that. 1. Its not my favorite meal so not eating it would not make me feel like i will missing out. and 2. I knew there would be alcohol involved at some point in the night and I would rather spend some calories on that for the night (just being honest).
I brought my own dinner-grilled chicken with veggies. I got some comments such as "why would you bring your own dinner" "wow is she really not eating what we are eating" "is she serious". Honestly I do not by any means find it disrespectful that I brought my own meal and I truthfully would not have done it had I have thought it was wrong. I have many people in my life who thought me dropping weight was something I did and now that I did it I can go back to eating whatever I want. Well you know what, that is not true.

After dinner was done the drinks began to flow and the celebrations really started. We made an apple cider sangria and it was absolutely delicious.

I for sure will be saving the recipe for later use, especially now that the holidays are around the corner!

Apple cider sangria:
1 bottle pinot grigio
2 1/2 cups fresh apple cider
1 cup club soda
1/2 cup ginger brandy
3 honey crisp apples
3 chopped pears

Directions:
combine all and stir
chill for an hour-2 hours
enjoy!